Stupid Man!
Fresh from my shower, I
stood in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he
uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. If you want your breasts
to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for
a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stood back in
front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this
take?" I asked. "They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband
replies.
I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my
breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the Years?" Without
missing a beat he says "Worked for your
butt, didn't it?" He's still alive, and with a great deal of
therapy, he may even walk again.
Stupid, stupid man!
The Pond
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice -- picnic tables, Horseshoe courts, and some orange and grapefruit trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't
come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond
naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Old men can still think fast.
Open mouth, Insert foot
A
married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looked
over at a nearby table and stared at a man in a drunken stupor.
The husband asked, "I notice you have been watching that man for some time now.
Do you know him?"
"Yes" she replied. "He is my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that
since I left him seven years ago."
"That is remarkable!" the husband exclaimed. "I am amazed that a man could
celebrate for that long."
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January 25, 2007
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